Taliesin meets the vampires

Director: Babak Payami

Release date: 2016

Contains spoilers

This US/Canadian film seemed to come out of nowhere. Not a horror film it isn’t exactly a romance either and firmly concentrates on one part of the vampire mythos – reflections.

It always seems that a focus on themes in different vehicles come at around the same time and I was reminded, as I watched this, of Therapy for a Vampire as that had a similar theme of reflection within it. However, this is a very different film.

the corridor

We see a painting of a corridor or tunnel, the distant opening capturing a sunrise that is juxtaposed against the urban decay the tunnel represents. A voice over the scene states, “You don’t have to die.” Shots of Manhattan are interspersed with scenes from a night club (with plenty of cyber goths and wannabe vampires). After the credits we see Max (Luke Grimes, True Blood) sleeping through a hammering at his door. The visitor, Drew (Milton Barnes, the Strain& Hemlock Grove), lets himself in. He is his agent and artist Max is late for an appointment at a gallery.

Luke Grimes as Max

Max has had some fame in the past but hasn’t done a showing for five years and is busy leading a drug, drink and sex filled bohemian lifestyle. However, the scene seems to be depressing him and, with a host of hangers on at his flat, he has a moment and subsequently throws everyone out. He collapses, is taken to hospital and then we see him with his Doctor (Earl Pastko, also Hemlock Grove, Forever Knight, Blood & Donuts& Goosebumps: Vampire Breath) and Max is told that he has late stage lung cancer and has weeks, maybe months to live. He is told that treatment might help but refuses.

no reflection

In the club a woman looks at one of Max’s paintings, fascinated by it. She is not named in film but in the credits she is called Vivian (Sarah Roemer). A customer notices her and (having taken plastic fangs out) asks her if she is bored with the “vampire sh*t”. We cut to them in bed, she flips over straddling above him and attacks, biting into his neck. After she has fed she looks in a mirror, the film is deliberate about the scene making sure we know that her lack of reflection is the main drive going forward.

a victim

So, cutting to the chase, she finds Max as she wants him to paint her. For his part she looks his ideal subject model and will be the centrepiece for a show that Drew has arranged for him. Max keeps his illness to himself and the film follows the attraction of the two and the courtly dance played out before he paints her (which includes him working out what she is). Meanwhile the cops believe they have a serial killer on the loose, injuring the neck and draining all the blood. Tracing the first victim to the club they then make a giant leap of faith that Max, who was there that night, knows who the killer is.

posing

This was a weak link in the film, the hunch comes from a “twitch” whilst they spoke to him and it seemed too far for the leap of faith that was necessary. It isn’t exactly a primary plot point either. They could have reached the same plot and character place without the cops on the trail. However, it is the relationship between the characters and the character of Max that are the important parts of the film. Max is played with deft skill and subtlety by Luke Grimes and it is due to him that the film works as well as it does. Sarah Roemer has less to do but the iciness and aloofness she portrays suits the character perfectly and she makes the cracking of that for Max – and the portrait – believable. Yet ultimately we know so very little about her that she actually brought to my mind The Girl with Hungry Eyes.

blood at mouth

There isn’t much lore offered. We know she avoids sunlight and she casts no reflection and cannot be photographed/filmed. She can, however, be drawn/painted – diverging from the lore used in Therapy for a Vampire, and being absolutely plot necessary. Strangely it is stated that she has never seen herself. This either is a logical faux pas if she was turned or means that she was always a vampire (either born that way, or created as a physical embodiment of Max’s muse as he dies). She does offer him eternal life by offering her blood and we know she must drink blood and consumes the whole body’s supply from her victim.

painting in the club

I rather liked this, it kept a solid, steady pace and the photography was nicely shot and, whilst the colours were muted, I felt this suited the tone of the film. It ended consistently with its own internal logic and in a way that added weight to the theory that she was the embodiment of Max’s muse. The story was simple – essentially artist comes to terms with mortality/vampire wants to see her own face – but it didn’t need much more. I might have considered working around the police or adding in something to connect Max with the victims in such a way that the suspicions he engendered withstood scrutiny. That aside a solid 6.5 out of 10.

The imdb page is here.

A wacky Australian animation, the Adventures of Figaro Pho was a 2012 series of animated shorts directed by Luke Jurevicius. Figaro Pho has every phobia known to man and each 7 minute short concentrates on one of those.

In this particular sequence it is Transmutasanguivoriphobia or fear of becoming a vampire. The shorts themselves are silent and feature Figaro and his robot dog Rivet. There is a Tim Burton-esque quality to the shorts.

the vampire film

In this Figaro and Rivet are watching a vampire film when the film stops playing. A bat flies into his home (a mansion) and bites his neck. Figaro believes he has been transformed into a vampire and has fangs, talon like nails and no reflection. He becomes hungry but is scared by the meal made by Rivet – it has garlic in it.

Figaro as a vampire

This leads to Figaro looking for a suitable neck that can provide his vampiric sustenance and this, in its turn, leads to some animated physical comedy in its own right. Eventually Figaro takes to a cupboard for the day but Rivet sees the end of the film, where the vampire is caught in sunlight – and this cures him. He sets to lure Figaro into the sun.

Fun, snappy and just a little bit Burton-Goth. The episode's imdb page is here.

Director: Tom Sanders

Release date: 2005

Contains spoilers

There is perhaps something postmodern about a group of filmmakers making a rubbish horror film about a bunch of filmmakers making a rubbish horror film but that is about the best thing I can say about this.

The fact that it is a film full of cliché is perhaps not as distracting as the poor photography and insistence on using cgi effects that look, well quite frankly, a bit rubbish. That said, they have done something I couldn’t do, make a film, so perhaps the criticism is a bit harsh?

Nick turns

It starts with a man, Nick (Zack Cooper), heading up the stairs to a house with shotgun in hand. He is met by tenant Collins (Garrett Lambert) and tells said tenant that the sheriff is on his way and it’s all to do with the murders that have occurred since Collins moved in to the area. Things escalate and Nick shoots the man at which point light seems to seep out of his wound (I have no idea why these vampires leak light – but suspect the effect was cheaper and easier than doing physical blood). The vampire bites him. When the Sheriff (Greg McCullough) arrives Nick has turned and attacks him.

making movies

We see a whole bunch of young people start their day. This includes seeing one young woman – Jessica (Michelle Crain) talking a shower. It is gratuitous but that is the point as this is footage of the film within the film and there is a question around exploitation that is explored but not very deeply. The film is called the Curse of the Weremonkey. Jessica’s boyfriend Ethan (David Roers) is the scriptwriter and he asks director Travis (Jesse Blitz) were the dialogue went – there was meant to be a sister, we assume it wasn’t a shower scene and Travis has changed the script.

Lynne Jacobellis as Emma

Ethan has writer’s block and does it matter what he writes when Travis changes it anyway. Jessica is making out with him to cure the block when the place fills up with people. Dexter (Pavel Royz) arrives with a desire to produce the film (his dad (Michael Spagnoli) is a producer) but is sent away with a flea in his ear. Emma (Lynne Jacobellis, True Blood) arrives and Travis wants to use her in film but she can only film that weekend. This leads to him cutting a deal with Dexter for equipment and use of the summer home Dexter’s family own – the very same one from the start of the film.

Dexter and Travis

Also in the mix are Vulc (Amber Phillips), a girl who models herself on TV shows (last week was Buffy, this week Star Trek and so she is wearing Vulcan ears), Frank (Christopher Boicelli), who is now the leading man, was sent by Dexter’s dad to watch his property and is a douche to boot, and Kenny (Owen Robinson), Travis’ brother and a gentleman with learning difficulties who is playing the monster. Frank is the first to be got and then turned (why Nick turns him is beyond me).

Invisible on playback

So, the idea is to stay alive and maybe kill the vampires. The lore is inconsistent. For instance when they look at a scene where Frank (who they don’t know is a vampire at the time) gets it on with Emma and ends up biting her playback of the scene has him not showing up (except for an occasional Predator like invisible effect). That would be all well and good but he did show on the computer monitor as they filmed it. The vampires seem to be able to turn to little balls of light (which would actually fit in with some traditional lore) but also seem to be able to carry off a victim when in that form.

mind control

Another inconsistency is Nick being staked and going grey until the stake is removed, and yet another vampire is staked and then dies fairly rapidly in a ball of light. The vampires have a very powerful mind control power and can think it and make their victim feel it. Beheading will kill a vampire in a bad cgi way (and left a body behind, whereas the staked vampire who died seemed to leave no remains) and crosses burn and do awful things to a vampire if they swallow the cross.

beheading

I mentioned the exploitation aspect and this comes out in Dexter convincing Travis to make Emma’s scene a nude scene and her being unhappy with the change – Travis then insists on it until he is reminded of friendship. It’s a little ham fisted and not explored enough. Dexter, like a moustache twirling villain, manages to betray all the others for some footage of a vampire – though the deal he makes is bizarre. Essentially he offers to hand Jessica over to Nick, getting him around their defences but they have no real defences and he really doesn’t do anything to help the vampire anyway.

staked

The problem is that this is a pretty standard by the numbers horror (stereotyped kids, house, evil) and doesn’t do anything really that original. The photography is atrocious, the atmosphere thin, the cgi intrusive and, at times, confusing. The acting is ok for what it is but was never going to win any awards. When a film is so budget constrained one would hope for a bright light within the production to help offer a cult status for the film. This doesn’t have one. 2.5 out of 10.

The imdb page is here.

Just a break in our normal transmission to mention the UK based merchandise company Nerdoh, who do a range of merchandise based on movies from Tees to towels.

As well as a range of interesting non-vampire items (I do love some of the Alien related items and the Bladerunner Tee) they do, of course, have some vampire related merch based on From Dusk til Dawn, the Lost Boys and 30 Days of Night. The designs are the sort that they speak to other fans of the film, rather than just carrying the title.

To my Overseas readers, I believe they do deliver internationally but check their FAQ for more details.

We will now return to our regular programming.

Director: Robert Ginty

Release date: 1995

Contains spoilers

The Munster’s original series was pretty much a favourite of mine and spawned two films starring (mostly) the original main cast. Munsters Go Home worked fairly well but the eighties’ the Munsters’ Revenge didn’t work so well, unfortunately.

There were two more movies with different casts. I have already looked at the 1996, and average holiday vehicle, the Munsters’ Scary Little Christmas, but this one, from the year before, has languished in the “to watch” pile for too long. Again this had a different cast, though it did have a pleasing cameo of original cast members.

the mob

The film starts in Transylvania with an angry peasant mob making their way with torches and pitchforks to the Munsters’ castle. We quickly meet the new version of the family; Herman (Edward Herrmann), Lily (Veronica Hamel), Grandpa (Robert Morse) and Eddie (Mathew Botuchis). Jokes such as Herman saying, “villagers… you can’t live with ‘em, and you can’t get spare parts without ‘em” and the subsequent over affected “amused looks” from Eddie and Lily felt like it was trying too hard. Anyway Lily is concerned and wants to move but Herman thinks otherwise until the mob gathered outside fire a bazooka at the castle.

Christine Taylor as Marilyn

They escape the castle through a secret passage and find where Spot – the dragon – has buried the postman. There is a letter from their niece Marilyn (Christine Taylor, Room 6) that is barely readable due to holes burnt in it but seems to be inviting them to America. They take Transylvanian Airways (Grandpa flies besides, whilst Herman and Lily watch the Bride of Frankenstein) to America and give the names of Herman’s sister Elsa (Judy Gold) and her husband Norman Hyde (Max Grodénchik) as their immigration sponsors. When they get to the Hyde’s home (1313 Mockingbird Lane) Marilyn greets them but she hadn’t socially invited them. Norman is missing and Elsa has gone into a Transylvanian Trance with the shock. To save Elsa and stay in America they will have to find Norman.

the cops

Of course, with the name Hyde, you can guess the plot direction but what hit me as I watched it was the fact that they are fighting through the film against anti-immigration rhetoric. This really starts early on with the cop Detective Warshowski (Troy Evans) complaining about foreigners and his partner Detective Cartwell (Sean O'Bryan) pointing out that Warshowski is hardly an Apache name and expands to an anti-foreigner political campaign and a call for the Munsters to be deported. Some nice side swipes, such as Herman not wanting unemployment benefits, preferring to work for a living, were included. As I watched twenty one years on I found it sad that such rhetoric is still central to both UK and US political language, blaming the woes of a country on the “other” (of course fear of the other is at the core of the vampire genre) being the cheap political tool and appealing to the base instincts of the tabloid driven mob.

Lily bites

Before we get too deep, however, this is a Munster movie and, whilst the under-current is there so is some slapstick (and grandpa in drag as a disguise). It also has some definitive vampire activity and not just Grandpa in crap bat form and confirming himself as Count Dracula. We actually get to see Lily bite someone – in this case a female cop in order that they can get her walkie talkie (“she’ll be fine… just feeling a little drained”). At the end of the film we also see Grandpa’s fangs momentarily. Eddie in this is all werewolf – there was some degree of werewolf/vampire hybrid in the original.

original cast members

I mentioned a cameo and we get a scene with Herman taking a job as a waiter and, for his first order, the table has four surviving cast members from the original show; Yvonne De Carlo (Nocturna), Al Lewis (My Grandpa is a Vampire& Fright House), Butch Patrick and Pat Priest. Whilst dressed normally their dialogue is pretty much owing to their original characters and the inclusion was welcome and amusing.

fangs on show

The film wasn’t too bad. Eddie had at least a little to do in it and, whilst not a patch on the Fred Gwynne and Yvonne De Carlo versions, the Herman and Lily weren’t too bad. Star of the film, for me, was Robert Morse. Al Lewis would always be a hard act to follow and, at first, it did feel that (vocally in accent and delivery) Morse was impersonating Lewis but as the film went on he became Grandpa Munster and that is a high compliment indeed. There are some canon changes in film (Marilyn being from Herman’s side of the family for instance) but nothing that was too radical. Of course it would never match the series, too late chronologically to get away with the innocence or naivety of the original and too slapstick to draw a more modern (for the time) furrow, but it was worth watching. 6 out of 10.

The imdb page is here.

Draugasaga was a 1985 made for TV movie from Iceland and the first thing to warn is not to confuse the Scandinavian draugr with drauga. The draugr is a restless dead, sometimes associated with blood drinking/flesh eating and seen by some as a vampire type. The drauga is Icelandic for ghost and thus the title translates to ghost story and it is just that.

It was written and directed by Viðar Víkingsson and it was set in a TV studio where night watchman Runolfur (Rúrik Haraldsson) is utterly convinced the studio is haunted by a red haired ghost, to the point that he starts whenever he sees any woman with red hair. From the start we know something is going on when a photographer develops a picture of the model, with Runolfur by him, and the face of the ghost superimposes over the photo, eventually turning the print black. The negative is normal.

Rúrik Haraldsson as Runolfur

When Sonny (Kristján Franklin Magnúss), a medical student, takes up the position of the other night watchman he quickly develops a relationship with Elsa (Sigurjona Sverrisdottir). Occasionally we see back to the war years and Elsa’s grandmother – who would seem to be the red haired ghost – and a relationship with an American airman. Elsa’s mother won’t talk about her mother and the flashbacks to the two see them played by the same actors as Sonny and Elsa.

the ghost

Ghost-wise we see Runolfur plagued by the ghost and he has a heart attack and dies, but it is obvious (and becomes revealed) that it is Sonny dressed as the ghost. Of course, we already have an idea that there may be something in Runolfur’s belief in the ghost and perhaps the dead do not like to be mocked? All this is fair enough but why, you might wonder, is this being featured on a vampire blog?

dressed as a vampire

When the relationship between Elsa and Sonny first develops she makes them up – when the studio is empty for the night – her as her grandmother and him, for no real reason, as a vampire. He plays the part, in jest, and in the morning – having fallen asleep together in the rehearsal room – they have to get back unseen to their own clothes in makeup. They do bump into a member of the public and Sonny asks him his blood type. When the man says O negative, Sonny pulls a face and says bleurgh.

wearing fangs

So, the mention is for dressing up and acting like a vampire, albeit essentially fancy dress and in jest. Later, when he is dressed as the ghost, he puts fangs in again. The film itself is rare but worth a watch as a ghost story, the pacing is right and there is a sense built through of something about to happen that keeps the viewer expectant. The imdb page is here.

Author: Justin Cronin

First published: 2016

Contains spoilers

The blurb: The world we knew is gone. What world will rise in its place?

The Twelve have been destroyed and the terrifying hundred-year reign of darkness that descended upon the world has ended. The survivors are stepping outside their walls, determined to build society anew—and daring to dream of a hopeful future.

But far from them, in a dead metropolis, he waits: Zero. The First. Father of the Twelve. The anguish that shattered his human life haunts him, and the hatred spawned by his transformation burns bright. His fury will be quenched only when he destroys Amy—humanity’s only hope, the Girl from Nowhere who grew up to rise against him.

One last time light and dark will clash, and at last Amy and her friends will know their fate.

The review: The final part of Justin Cronin’s epic post-apocalyptic trilogy that began with the Passage and was followed by the Twelve and, from the previous volume, the Twelve are believed destroyed by Amy (who turned fully viral to do so) but that is not the case. One of the Twelve and Amy have survived and are hidden within a tank of water – hiding not from the human survivors but from the source of the plague – Zero.

Unbeknown to humanity, Zero is in the ruins of New York and, as we discover, an unexpected submerging in water has altered the physiological changes he suffered through the virus and he has become human like again – with a susceptibility to sunlight and fangs the main tells of his condition.

But, for humanity, life begins to take on a semblance of pre-viral normality. The book moves us forward in time (and ages our main characters of course) as eventually defences are lowered and humanity begins to spread outwards – in time for zero to make a move against the world.

Cronin’s eye for minutia and his love of non-linear story-telling takes us back into Fanning’s life – the man who would become Zero – and the end of the book takes us a millennium forward. There are mystical aspects that just are and work because they just are, building the epic quality of the story. This series cannot be praised too highly for me, strong writing, strong characetrs and epic stories combine to create one of the best vampire series not of the 21st Century but ever.

I gave the other two volumes very respectable 9s when I reviewed them. This rounded everything so perfectly it gets a rare 10 out of 10. Essential.

Author: Brian J Frost

First published: 1989

Contains spoilers

The Blurb: Brian Frost chronicles the history of the vampire in myth and literature, providing a sumptuous repast for all devotees of the bizarre. In a wide-ranging survey, including plot summaries of hundreds of novels and short stories, the reader meets an amazing assortment of vampires from the pages of weird fiction, ranging from the 10,000-year-old femme fatale in Robert E. Howard’s Conan the Conqueror to the malevolent fetus in Eddy C. Bertin’s “Something Small, Something Hungry.” Nostalgia buffs will enjoy a discussion of the vampire yarns in the pulp magazines of the interwar years, while fans of contemporary vampire fiction will also be sated.

The review: The first thing to note about this volume is the publication date. Given when it was published the book does look at certain issues, such as the impact that Vlad Tepes had on the character of Count Dracula, with an uncritical and filtered view that the work of later scholars have added to the debate. One should also note that Frost’s definition of “vampire” is broad and so this leads to a look at pre-Serbian sources in the mythology and a much wider view of vampirism in the literature chapters (which are, of course, the meat of the book).

I was perhaps unmoved by the mythology section, it added nothing to the many books out there, however it is within the literature section and, specifically, the look at pulp fiction works that the volume shines. The journey through the pulps was excellently done and is the main focus/reason I would recommend this volume.

I found the author somewhat dismissive, however, of stories (and novels) he didn’t like, writing off a tale with little to no explanation. It was opinion rather than review (not that the volume is a review book) and failed to capitalise on the fact that as poor and uninspired he might find a specific piece, it may well appeal to others and bring something, if only the sliver of an element, to the party.

However, simply for the exploration of the pulps, this deserves 6 out of 10.

Director: Robert Totten

Release date: 1973

Contains spoilers

This made for TV Disney film was first aired as a two parter in Walt Disney’s Wonderful World of Colour. Whether it strayed over to the UK I’m not sure but I am fairly certain I never saw it as a child. I spotted it uploaded onto YouTube and, with the title being what it is, I had to watch it of course.

It is one of those films that is probably better with rose-tinted glasses and fond memories, but to the previously uninitiated it had some real dating issues – age has not treated it kindly. It is, of course, full of Disney schmaltz and there isn’t a vampire in it (though it still deserves to be looked at here) nor does it have a castle in it. We’ll get to all that later.

Dracula on screen

It begins, however, in a movie theatre and the theatre is showing “Curse of Count Dracula”. Three young boys watch the film; Morgan (Jean-Michel Michenaud), Morgan’s friend Alfie (Johnny Whitaker) and Alfie’s little brother Leonard (Scott C. Kolden). On screen, a grave robber (Ben Wrigley) has opened Count Dracula’s grave. He decides he’ll take the cape but to get it he has to pull the stake out… Morgan notices Leonard hiding his face behind his hands.

the cinema

As the boys walk home they discuss the film. Leonard found it too scary, clearly, but Morgan felt that “Dracula wasn’t vicious enough… there should have been more blood.” The discussion moves to the film of Frankenstein they’d recently seen and the fact that Alfie wants to make a Dracula film. The problem is Alfie and Leonard will be taking a beach vacation and Morgan will be off to scout camp. Leonard notices an alarm and realises that a jewellery shop has been robbed.

Mariette Hartley as Marsha

The boys watch from a fire escape, until called down by the cops. Leonard might not like monsters but he does want to be a detective. We discover that the Daumier Necklace has been stolen. After all the excitement its time to go on vacation and leave Morgan behind. The boy’s mom, Marsha (Mariette Hartley, the Return of Count Yorga& The Night Dracula Saved the World), is a writer and has a deadline so the boys are going to be left pretty much to their own devices. When Leonard says the town is too quiet for a detective she tells him about Sherlock Holmes and the moors.

Leonard cast as Dracula

Leonard realises there is a missing piece of glass in their bedroom window and the screen is pushed back. He decides it must have been done by a rat and Alfie conjures up a horror image to tie in with his film. During the night something gets in and goes under Leonard’s covers – after some panic it is revealed to be a stray dog. Marsha agrees they can keep it and Leonard calls it Watson. The next day Leonard finds himself cast as Dracula in Alfie’s film. Alfie’s shots keep getting spoiled by Watson. The dog is also a thief and helps itself to a watch from a local jewellers.

Clu Gulager as Keith

Eventually the boys find a lighthouse, which Alfie decides will make a perfect Dracula’s castle. They have an explore, believing it to be empty, and are caught by Keith (Clu Gulager). He and his friend Noah (Mills Watson) are the thieves who stole the Daumier Necklace – what are the odds they’d end up in the same small coastal town as the boys – and are looking to reset the jewels and fence them. Keith is posing as an artist. The film then follows the misadventures of the boys and the thieves.

Making movies

And so the vampirism is found in the film at the beginning and the film Alfie makes with his brother. The thieves, or at least Keith, are the most patient guys in the world, allowing the young kids in and around them – he even tells Leonard that the dynamite the boy finds are actually fireworks and promises the boys a display. It’s the reaction of the thieves to the boys – especially when the dog steals the necklace and Leonard ends up with it – that underscores the Disney schmaltz.

all at sea

The film, beyond that, is poorly paced and I doubt it would have been much better in two parts. A cliff-hanger (almost literally) has no tension as we know it is Disney and they are not going to kill the youngest child in the cast. Like I said at the head of the review, it hasn’t aged well, feeling like a part of yesteryear that never really existed anyway. Those who had this as part of their childhood may react more positively to it than I did and I suppose a younger viewer may still enjoy it. For myself the bit I liked most was the fact that the scriptwriter, Sue Milburn, clearly knew that children often want something more visceral than a kid’s programme allows for – hence Morgan’s comment about blood – and still wrote exactly the opposite.

4 out of 10 is probably too generous.

The imdb page is here.

Director: Dean McKendrick

Release date: 2015

Contains spoilers

And, when I say “contains spoilers” on this one it is so wafer thin story wise that it would prove very difficult not to have spoilers.

There are very thin lines between exploitation, erotic and softcore films. I’d say pretty much this is a softcore film that follows a general porn line of having gossamer thin story segments that segue into a rude section but in the case of this film, it’s strictly a ‘no genitalia on show’ affair and, unfortunately, about as erotic as a brick, to boot.

Vlad and the villager

So, after opening credits showing a cgi graveyard we are in Castle Dracula. Vlad Dracula ( Daniel Hunter) enters in with a villager, Maria (Cassandra Cruz), and in dialogue that is as painfully delivered as it is ineptly written, gets her a drink. She is about to leave and so he mojos her and suddenly we are in the first of a series of sex scenes. At the end he bites her.

Adriana Chechik as Morticia

In comes Vlad’s number 1 gal, or should that be ghoul. Morticia (Adriana Chechik) is somewhat upset about his action – after all they spend a fortune on synthetic blood and his attacking live prey is likely to have the villagers up in arms. As if on cue a vampire hunter appears, in the form of Alexa (Sarah Hunter). Vlad and Morticia hide around a corner and Alexa destroys the now turning Maria with a sprinkle of holy water. Vlad and Morticia have no other choice, they feel, but to go to their summer house in Beverly Hills.

Jane and Stacy

Bob (Brandon Ruckdashel) is a lawyer and his wife Jane (Jacqui Holland, Teeth and Blood& Brides of Sodom) does charity work for the Society to Help the Itinerant Transients (S.H.I.T.). Bob’s colleague Stacy (Jazy Berlin) is involved in the charity but also wants to bed Bob. That evening Jane sees folks (Vlad and Morticia) move into the house next door at night, without suitcases, and believes this to be odd.

no reflection

During the day, Jane and Stacy go over to say hello – but, of course, no one answers. Jane has a snoop around and then goes over in the evening and introduces herself. Having seen that Morticia and Vlad cast no reflection in her compact she makes her excuses and leaves – goes to a bar, gets drunk, meets Alexa (who carries her crossbow in the club, as you do) and then fails to convince Bob that her belief in vampires is not a drunken hallucination.

holy water

She hooks up with Alexa to break into the house in the morning and they put holy water in two empty coffins (we are told later they were decoy coffins). Vlad and Morticia are in the next room but remain undiscovered because bats fly at the girls and Jane legs it screaming. Alexa decides they will have to wait until morning the next day to return, so a dose of lesbian sex seems to be just what the doctor ordered for Jane and Alexa!

hunter gear

I won’t go on, the story isn’t in any way, shape or form complex. I will touch on lore, which seems to be made up as they go along. So, they must sleep with native earth, sunlight weakens but doesn’t destroy them, holy water does destroy them but crosses apparently have no effect. Their mojo is so strong that they can hypnotically subsume a person’s will almost immediately, which begs the question “why are they bothered about the hunter?” A bite turns.

bitten

As I said, the sex scenes are tamely presented, not overly erotic and thus they seem to go on for ever. If we cut them out the running time would drop to almost nothing. The acting is pants and we get CGI crap bats. This really doesn’t have a huge amount going for it. Morticia announcing “Oi Vey” might be a cheeky reference to the Fearless Vampire Killers. There is little point to this, 1 out of 10.

The imdb page is here.

This was a 2014 film directed by Ed Hunt and starts with a group of people walking into a room in a storage place with a camera and flashlights. In the room is a fetish, we discover later it is a so-called devil doll. A demon (Andre Edwards) does emerge from it and kills all of those who found it.

The rest of the film, set years later, sees a group locked in with the doll for a reality TV show. It is Halloween and a full moon and they have to survive 24 hours after which they’ll each receive $100,000. The group are Johnny (Evan Bittencourt), the nerd, Gothia (Lola Klimenteva), a Russian stripper, Toby (Paul Stanko), a wannabe country singer, Jessy (Elizabeth Peterson), the girl next door, Mr Jones (Sebastien Charmant), the cool one, and Rose (Kriss Dozal) a Mexican nursing student. So, you may ask, what has this got to do with vampires??

Eric Roberts acting as Dracula

The host of the show is Dracula (Eric Roberts). It is Halloween and so you’d think he was using a persona (such is suggested late in the film) though the blurb suggests he believes that he is Dracula. He keeps the participants locked in even when they start to die and encourages betting on the outcome. He manages to come out with a variant of the “children of the night” line amongst others. So, acting as a vampire and actually a major character doing so – the film itself is poor, however.

The imdb page is here.

Director: Jeffrey Lau

Release date: 1988

Contains spoilers

I was struck, when I watched the first Haunted Cop Shop, that the ostensibly comedic vehicle was rescued by its surprisingly high level of gore. Unfortunately this sequel pretty much eschewed the gore for comedy.

It still focuses on the same main characters reprised by the original actors. The translation of the names in the subtitles change, however, and so Macky Kim becomes Kam Mark-K (Jacky Cheung) and Chiu becomes Man-Chill (Ricky Hui, Mr Vampire& Chinese Vampire Story). Supt. Shun (Fung Woo, Here Comes a Vampire) also returns.

sudden death

It starts with a quick couple of scenes from the original film and then moves to a meeting of various civil service departments discussing the ‘vampire issue’. Most are trying to dodge any form of involvement but the Tax Collector suddenly realises that he could charge a vampire tax and becomes interested. Supt Shun is bigging up the police’s role in dealing with vampires and dealing with any that breaks the law. Suddenly there is blood in their drinks and one of the company drops his head to the desk dead, bite marks on his neck.

Ricky Hui as Man-Chill

There is a female vampire loose in the building and Shun summons his officers putting Kam Mark-K and Man-Chill in charge of searching out the vampire. The chase round the building has its comedy moments including skiing with buckets and mops. Kam Mark-K and Man-Chill bump into a female cop (the vampire) and argue over who should search the building with her. Man-Chill wins and ends up trapped in a vaulted room with her. Kam Mark-K finds a dead cop, realises what’s happened and tries to rescue his partner.

the female vampire

The female vampire has stripped to her underwear to seduce Man-Chill and is about to bite him when he touches her breast – this distracts her from feeding and we get a joke scene of her wanting to bite him and him having to touch her to prevent it – and a comment from Shin (on the other side of the locked door) that they couldn’t be doing what it sounds like as it would be necrophilia. The rescuers manage to get the door open when they have also positioned mirrors to bring the sun to the vampire. She may be dust but her two victims rise and this leads to more slapstick.

trying to recruit the new squad

To defend the city from the vampire menace a 'ghostbuster squad' is formed. We get a series of vignettes showing a bit of background for each member of the misfit group that leads to them being transferred into the squad. Shun has arranged a training camp for them – not realising that the army had a hushed up vampire issue there and there are two female vampires on the camp. Shiu is worried that he might have been slightly bitten when he was with the female vampire. We also get actor Billy Lau joining the group as Lazy-Bones, the twin brother of his character from the first film.

a dracular

The vampires in this are often referred to as ghosts – this is not uncommon as gui is Chinese for ghost and xi xie gui (suck blood ghost) is one term for vampire. The vampires are of a particularly western variety albeit with idiosyncratic flourishes to the lore. One of the characters, Little Witch (Prudence Liew), states there are three types of vampires – the first two depend on the state of the person who has bitten. If they were crazy when they were bitten they become a dracular (as the subtitles would have it) but if they were frightened they become another type of vampire (details undisclosed).

showing one fang

The third type is like a werewolf (she says) in that they are rabid and animalistic and only change with the light of the moon and this occurs when they have not been deeply poisoned. Man-Chill is one of these now, his vampire persona has one fang and him changing to and from vampire becomes a running joke. His double nature does allow him to discover the vampires’ lair and he does try to stake one during the day (he wears dark glasses but is otherwise untroubled by the daylight). The stake breaks on her chest as he hammers it and I assume that this is a daytime thing as she is staked (or nailed as the subtitles would have it) at night without the same issue – being impervious during the day is a lore reversal from an impervious trope sometimes used, though sunlight would still be an issue had she been in it.

zompires

There is, apparently, another type of vampire (though conceivably they could be the ones who are turned when frightened that we heard about). Towards the end of the film a room is opened and we discover that the soldiers attacked by the vampires are still there but they are more like zombies. They shuffle, moan, attack in packs and seem decayed – however they are referred to as vampires in the subtitles and can be forced back by apotropaic items – in this case the flame of a candle from a grandmother’s eightieth birthday. Possibly they are best described as zompires. We discover that electricity is a useful tool for fighting vampires and they can be bound and immobilized with blood string.

the squad

The decision to really concentrate on the comedy, for me, knocked this a notch below the first film. The scenes with the zompires could have been really effective but, again, comedy was the order of the day rather than horror (so we get one character trying to convince another to date him whilst they hold off the zompires with the candle and another followed by ineffectual zompires as she tries to climb breaking ladders.

This wasn’t terrible but it could have been much better. 4.5 out of 10.

The imdb page is here.

Director: various

First aired: 2016

Contains spoilers

There was always going to be a risk to making a TV version of Preacher, a graphic novel I described as “a strange and wonderfully offensive volume” there seemed no way that it could be translated straight to screen and yet, should it be changed – diluted even – then there was a good chance that it would lose its core comic book fan base.

The series does not follow the comic book exactly – though it certainly has enough of the irreverent story in place to prove offensive to many. However, the makers have managed to walk the line between their own vehicle and the original well.

Dominic Cooper as Jesse

The preacher of the title is Jesse Custer (Dominic Cooper, Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter& Dracula Untold) and, as we meet him, he seems to be only half-heartedly following his vocation – a previous bad boy and son of the local preacher who made a promised to his father, repeatedly broke it and then decided to make it right. However, before we meet him we see something search the world possessing clerics and making them explode until it enters Jesse and he doesn’t blow up.

using the Word

The something is Genesis – a force that shouldn’t exist as it is the child of a demon and an angel. It has escaped the celestial prison it was kept in and gives Jesse the power of the Word (though it is not named as such in series). Essentially when Jesse speaks with the voice of Genesis the listener has no choice but to obey – though the obedience can be a little too literal at times. Jesse may have Genesis but two angels, the former custodians Fiore (Tom Brooke) and DeBlanc (Anatol Yusef), wish to take it back before anyone in Heaven realises it is missing.

Ruth Negga as Tulip

Into this situation come Tulip (Ruth Negga) – who is probably the most changed of the characters, still Jesse’s ex but the programme makers described the excellent way they have portrayed the character as their Tulip rather than the comic’s Tulip and Cassidy (Joseph Gilgun). Cassidy is our focus as he is the vampire of the story but I’ll get to him in a moment. The actual range of characters in the town is expanded, the tale of Arseface (Ian Colletti) is radically different for instance, and whilst the direction of travel is the same (and the end of the season gets the Preacher on the same quest as the comics) the journey is very different. However, it works, drawing a season that is surreal, bloody, irreverent and fun. Imagine the bastard child of David Lynch and Robert Rodriguez.

feeding to heal

So Cassidy… When we meet him he is travelling on a plane with a group of rich men who are plying him with booze and drugs but actually plan to kill him (we discover that an order of vampire hunters has been dogging his tracks). It all goes to Hell and there is a slaughter, of the hunters, before Cassidy abandons the plane without a parachute. That leaves him quite a splattered mess, luckily he is in cattle country and is able to get some blood… Cassidy seems unaffected by holy items, is burnt by sunlight, needs blood to heal and is affected by drink and drugs. His case file that the sheriff (W. Earl Brown, Knights of Badassdom) finds goes over decades.

friends

One of the important aspects that the show gets right is the deep friendship that develops between Cassidy and Jesse. This is despite the odds, after all a Preacher shouldn’t befriend a vampire, especially when said vampire falls for the Preacher’s old flame. The interactions between Cassidy, Jesse and Tulip are all excellent and carries the show forward as much as the offbeat story and range of weird and disturbed characters.

This is a series worth watching. I liked some of the things the broader opening allowed – such as the background to the Saint of Killers, renamed as simply the Cowboy (Graham McTavish) in this. 7.5 out of 10.

The imdb page is here.

This is a short film by Chris R. Notarile from 2015 that weighs in at just under 25 minutes and it nicely uses that time to give us a great fun little movie.

Jack (Josh Rothman) is lying bloody and unconscious on the floor, just before dawn, as Monty (Christian Chase) stands above him and he is brought round. Monty, and the others with him, are vampires and he is quick to tell Jack that it is his last day – he has been bitten, fed upon, he is in essence dead and by the next sunrise he’ll have turned.

It turns out that Jack has been a pain in Monty’s ass for four years, hunting him with a crew of slayers. When Jack died the crew fell apart and the vampires did the rest. Monty is looking forward to seeing Jack be overcome with the thirst and is also aware that, once turned, Jack will never be able to attack him again (you can’t attack your maker). They leave ahead of the sun, wishing Jack a special day.

Christian Chase as Monty

Jack phones the padre (Roberto Lombardi) and finds out that he’s at a safe house. When he gets there the padre is shocked to discover that Jack has been bitten but he knows what he has to do. Jack stops him – the rules mean nothing now and he has one day of sunlight to find Monty and kill him. It just so happens that he has realised that his ex, Heather (Athena Brensberger), had sold them out in return for what Monty was offering…

a predicament

The whole thing plays quite alot like Vampire$, with the hardened slayer, the priest and the impending turning. It eschews all the mystical background, however, and just gives us slayers vs vampires, which is great. Jack is accused of encompassing every 80s action hero cliché – and that’s what Josh Rothman imbues the character with. Christian Chase provides us wise a great wise guy vampire. I wasn’t sure about padre’s hair though.

The imdb page is here.

Author: Jaylene Jacobus

First published: 2016

Contains spoilers

The blurb: Clara Winters, a non-practicing witch, has been living the life of an old woman in the body of a twenty-two-year-old ever since fated to everlasting life in 1919. With the unexpected death of her beloved aunt, the easy life on her southern plantation is over. Grief awakens hiding ghosts--in the form of age-old magic and thirsty vampires.

Long ago, powerful magic entangled and stole Clara's great love, Wesley Russell, when he became a vampire. Wesley rises from banishment, forcing Clara to resist the temptation of a renewed life together by reminding him of the consequences that come to those who defy the spell of the Midnight Circle.

Mysterious mountain visions and guidance from her deceased aunt lead Clara on a journey to friendship and love, reintroducing her to the passions of youth. But as evil lurks and the Circle shows signs of unraveling, Clara becomes desperate to escape the spell without harming those she holds dear.

The review: A tale of witches and vampires, the Midnight Circle is focused on the character of Clara, a born nature witch. When a vampire targeted her family, in 1897, the new born Clara has a spell called the Midnight Circle cast upon her that makes her very presence deadly to vampires if they stay too close for too long. The spell can be broken but will kill the vampire who breaks it.

When she reaches the age of 22 her fiancée, Wesley, comes to her, in the early hours of the morning on the day of their wedding, and unbeknown to her he is transitioning to vampire. Their passion infects her with vampire venom and it freezes her in time (technically she is a witch/vampire hybrid – though she has none of their thirsts). She accidentally infects her aunt who is frozen in her forties and Wesley turns her cat as a companion for her.

The cat is the only vampire that can stay with her despite the spell (the aunt isn’t really a vampire – like Clara she just has her age frozen). Cut to the modern day and her Aunt dies, her spirit pushing Clara to find a set of friends, and Wesley, with the goal of breaking the spell and allowing her and Wesley to be together (in this world witches and vampires are often attracted to each other). And it is around this point in the plot that I have my issue with the book.

The book mostly concentrates on Clara and her friendship with four girls (all witches, though they are unaware of the fact). However, everything is so saccharinely perfect. This book falls into Mary Poppins Syndrome, with a heroine who is practically perfect in every way. The prose is solid enough, the characters well described but I like a bit of grit, dystopia and certainly flawed characters.

Even those (two) of the girls who have character flaws are quickly cured by practically perfect Clara. Wesley is a practically perfect lover and gentleman and it is the minor irritant of a spell that has to be overcome and is keeping the two lovers apart. The evil vampire is referenced (as is the powerful vampire who turned Wesley) but we don’t actually meet him in anything other than flashback – the peril is potential and the one possible attack (leaving a young guy turned) is unexplored (possibly left open for book 2).

Does it sound like I disliked the book – I appreciated the writer’s skills but this overtly romanticised view wasn’t for me and impacted the dialogue as presented, which again was solidly written but there was no natural dissent in the dialogue as how can perfection be dissented from? However, it may well be for you and I can’t knock the generally solid nature of the prose. 5.5 out of 10.

Director: Yannis Veslemes

Release date: 2014

Contains spoilers

Norvigia, in the original Greek, this is an art-house film that had a very unreal feel – offered through the use of models and the design of the sets. Despite the title it is set in Greece, in Athens to be precise, but it is not an Athens that you would imagine.

The film is set in the 1984 and Yannis Veslemes does manage to infuse the film with an eighties feel but the film, itself, starts upon a train.

model train

Zano (Vangelis Mourikis) is placing newspaper against the window of his carriage. The train, when seen in external establishing shot, is clearly a model train on a model railway. There is no attempt to hide this, no kidology that the train is real and I was struck by a feeling of Dellamorte Dellamore (1994) that was imbued into the film. On the train we see a passenger who looks suspiciously like Einstein and several soldiers who seem uninterested in answering Zanos’ question regarding reaching Athens. Eventually they get there.

Athens

Zano gets to an Athens that looks much like a model that might have been used in a Fritz Lang film and heads to the Cine Star theatre – where his friend Jimmy (Yannis Bostantzoglou) is meant to live and who has invited him to stay. On his way in he meets an older hooker and, when he gets to Jimmy's, finds a plush coffin waiting for him. He is sat in the old theatre when the hooker approaches him. They kiss and off screen he feeds on her, leaving her bloody corpse in a bath. Following this he rings a funeral home, searching for Jimmy’s whereabouts.

seeing Alice

He goes to the Disco Zardaz and meets a variety of idiosyncratic characters including Theresa, an elderly lady who steals drinks, a virtually toothless vampire (bar his fangs) who hasn’t touched blood for ten years as he is addicted to heroin and the Captain, Marko (Markos Lezes), owner of the disco who used to be a film star and who rescues Zano from the dance floor when he collapses, stoned. Also in the disco is a woman, Alice (Alexia Kaltsiki).

yellow blood

Zano follows her into a restroom, whether out of lust or hunger is debatable, but he finds her sharing drugs with a Norwegian drug dealer called Peter (Daniel Bolda). In a perfectly protracted scene Zano attacks Peter and, as he feeds, blood spurts from the dealer’s neck. However, his blood is day-glo yellow and the scene becomes part surreal, part violent and works really well because of it. He tells Alice that he was going to bite her but he changed his mind. The two leave together, taking Peter with them as he starts to turn (he also seems to have become mentally simpler). This leads to a brief roadtrip but Alice meeting Zano was probably not as random as it seemed and leads to a meeting with a man who claims to be Bram Stoker but who may be someone far more sinister.

is he Bram Stoker?

It’s hard to explain Norway’s plot as there is a surreal element that would not be out of place in a Guy Maddin script. Werewolves are mentioned – but unseen – and Zano, who is forever dancing, claims he must keep moving or his heart will stop. He is physically very cold – something Alice points out during sex, has a reflection and he is fine with garlic. At one point we get a song, “Dracula, Dracula, Dracula” which is sort of an easy listening Mariachi track!

Zano reflected

Vangelis Mourikis keeps the viewer entertained as Zano and there is a chemistry that works between him and Alexia Kaltsiki. As to whether you’d like the film, well that depends on whether the idea of a surreal arthouse vampire film from Greece tickles your fancy. I enjoyed the film and think that 7.5 out of 10 would be a reasonable score.

The imdb page is here.

Director: Joe Bagnardi

Release date: 1999

Contains spoilers

I have to first confess that as I first started watching this I was struck at how the film looked like the worst end of 80s and (more so) 90s straight to video horror, the sort of material filmed straight to tape – which seemed retro until I also realised that this was from the 90s and thus was not emulating but was actually one of those films.

The amateurish nature of the film is reflected in the fact that it comes in at around the two hour mark and drags its way there – the judicial use of professional editing needs to be applied and at least 30 minutes expunged. But is it all bad?

Vietnamese Vampires

It starts in Vietnam in 1967 – or so we are informed, because the landscape that our two GIs run through just doesn’t look at all like Vietnam – the GIs being Shadow Tracker (played young by Chris Mcpherson) and Jonathan Stokes (Bruce G. Hallenbeck, Vampyre). They’ve escaped a prison camp and Tracker goes to scout ahead. Stokes sees a Vietnamese woman ahead, not seeing the one approaching from behind. They sprout fangs and attack Stokes, who tells Tracker to escape when he comes back and finds them feeding from the prone Stokes.

terrible fangs

Cut forward to 1987 and an older Shadow Tracker (Ron Rausch) questions a guy as to *his* whereabouts and then stakes him. Elsewhere, in a cemetery, a vampire with the world's fakest fangs attacks a woman, Samantha (Voni Powell). She kills him with a (rather thin) stake, unties her hair and shakes it out before making a Dictaphone recording suggesting that the cemetery was another false lead and suggesting that she needs to find the person known as Shadow Tracker.

Lisa and Rick

After the credits – which feature a Shadow Tracker song and a woman dancing – we meet the couple Lisa (Amy Naple, the Temptress), who also happened to be the dancer in the titles, and Rick (Tom Ecobelli). They’ve been to the museum but it seems more her scene than his. They start playing around and are separated and she bumps into a guy – Jonathan Stokes – with an English accent and gets talking to him about immortality. Rick acts like a jealous dick when he finds her.

Stokes and Lisa

So, Stokes is a vampire – his English accent, he later tells us, is an affectation he developed after repeatedly watching UK vampire films. He decides he is in love with Lisa and sets about seducing, biting and marrying her (or at least planning to). Samantha eventually finds Shadow Tracker and teams up with him. We see her extracting blood, by syringe, from animals and injecting herself with it. It staves off the hunger as Stokes, the film eventually tells us, is her father. As he talks about Samantha becoming a full vampire one assumes she is a dhampir.

child with a wonky fang

There is a sub-plot about a couple of feckless cops – who eventually are turned and go after Shadow Tracker. This could have been happily expunged from the running time with no detriment to the film. There is also a coven of child vampires created – we never get an answer as to why but some of the kids are also wearing poor fangs (some no fangs and others decent looking fangs). As for the vampires well they can walk in the daylight, crosses only impact if you believe though holy water and garlic are apotropaic – all this is gleaned from an author (John McCarty, also Vampyre) who tells Rick the truth but also happens to be a vampire so goes off to kill the poor guy. We get a moment of Stokes eating some brains, mainly for a route into laying a poor quip on us.

Ron Rausch as Shadow Tracker

The film looks blooming awful, to be honest, and the acting isn’t really much better. As we’ve mentioned many of the fangs look poor but the staking, at least, seemed effective. The worst crime was the extraordinarily lengthy running time, which just dragged and dragged. This is one I can’t recommend, I’m afraid, but the sheer grit and determination to produce a film despite the odds makes me feel generous and I think 3 out of 10 seems about right.

The imdb page is here.

This volume by Paul Crilley is the first of the London Tau series and I received this as part of the Amazon Vine programme. The article, therefore, is an extension of the review I posted on Amazon in the first instance.

The book carries blurb that connects it to Harry Potter – an obvious advertisers’ choice given the involvement of magic – and also the works of Ben Aaronovitch. The latter is obvious as it involves a supernatural division of the police but based in Durban, South Africa rather than London, England.

However Crilley has created a radically different character to Peter Grant. If Grant is innocence facing the unknown then Crilley’s character, Gideon (or London) Tau, is the face that has peered into the abyss for way too long and has come away jaded and, ultimately corrupt. Perhaps likening this to the Godfather of Urban Fantasy, Jim Butcher’s Dresden Files, would have been more accurate. In Tau Crilley has created a flawed anti-hero and that is part of the draw of the volume.

The writing is crisp and urgent, with some great ideas thrown into the mix. We are treated to a world where fae and orisha lurk just out of view of the ordinary person, where vampires stalk the night and werehyena guard townships. His spirit guide is a talking, alcoholic drunk (and a mean one at that) dog and there is an interesting take on Judaeo-Christian mythology also.

So, the vampires. These come into the book early on as the first murder that Tau is investigating is a ramanga – a low level vampire that consumes any blood spilt by a tribal leader, if they accidentally cut themselves, any waste items such as nail clippings, to prevent enemies being able to get their hands on it and use it in magic. This ramanga also, it later transpires, happened to be a sin eater.

We also get to meet, in small sections, mpakafo, aigamucha, Nosferatu and asanbosam. There is also an angel, at one point, sniffing a child’s soul as a drug and the vampires are being controlled by Lilith. However the vampiric element is quite a small part of the novel – hence the honourable mention – and the main focus are Lilith and the sin eaters. Whilst the sin eaters do consume sin (including the memory of the sin), it is not a vampiric activity in itself. The sin eater holds that sin and memory and passes it on to another sin eater before they die (or it returns to the sinner).

And that, as they say, is that. As the opener for an urban fantasy series I would recommend the volume.

Director: Edward L. Plumb

Release Date: 2008

Contains spoilers

"A who’s who of B movie-dom," I guess that is what you could call this. The film is a budget portmanteau piece and the official blurb suggests it is made up of four short films. It isn’t. Her Morbid Desires is the piece we will look at and Cry of the Mummy is a surreal piece about a mummy (strangely enough). However the Devil’s Due at Midnight is nothing but a fake trailer and Boogie with the Undead is a fake trailer/music video.

The actual film starts with an extended credit sequence where it lists the significant participants with pen picture bios. This takes upwards of seven minutes.

Forrest J. Ackerman as Dr. Acula

The wraparound is more a series of introductions handled by Dr. Acula (Forrest J. Ackerman, Dracula Vs Frankenstein, Scarlet Moon, Vampirella& The Dead Undead) and his two ghost assistants Aurora (Danielle James, True Blood) and Electra (Dena Wilkinson). It is low rent stuff, not really anything to write home about.

Romantic Adventures of Count Dracula

The segment starts off with a group of women circling Jennifer (Kandis Fay) urging her to join them and to die and to live forever. Jennifer is far from convinced. In steps Dracula (Ronn Moss) and continues her seduction. Jennifer swoons at his supernatural touch and he promises the other women that they, the vampires, will feast well that night. There is the call of “cut” and we are on a film set. Indeed there are no vampires in this section of the film, but the film being made is a vampire film.

Robert Loggia as Bob

The film follows Freddi (Erica P. Hanson) whose Aunt Gloria (Tippi Hedren) has got her this gig as the lead actress in the Romantic Adventures of Count Dracula. When we get the next scene in the Court of the Vampire Queen ( Molly Murphy), at the end of the scene we have an actress (Shawna Baca) doing a death scene that turns out to be for real. This causes the director (William Smith) to quit – he is then replaced by Bob (Robert Loggia, Innocent Blood). However the plot of actresses dying is not as satisfying as it should be.

behind the scenes

Essentially the film concentrates on showing us scenes from the movie being filmed – not enough to offer a consistent story for the film within the film, but there are some actually quite nicely shot moments – and so shows us absolutely nothing about the murder mystery. Indeed some of the non-film scenes are absolutely pointless, such as the film’s producer, Gerry Shah (Seth Marten), meeting the author whose book has been adapted. This was just an excuse to give a role to Barbara Steele and, unfortunately, added nothing of substance to the proceedings.

Cassandra Peterson as Elvira

Eventually, after 3 deaths and four directors, the film is made and Freddi goes to the wrap party intent on unmasking the killer (who she has detected through woman’s intuition alone and who fesses up at the first chance). The wrap party has cameos from, amongst others, Elvira (Cassandra Peterson, the Ketchup Vampires& the Ketchup Vampires 2), Ray Harryhausen and Brinke Stevens - Freddi gets Brinke’s help with getting the villain.

fangs

So, all in all, the vampire scenes look nice for the main but it is a movie being shot and has no coherent story for us. The murder mystery, which makes up the actual story, is lacking in story, clues, detectives and anything else that would make it interesting. It is a fair parade of B movie/genre favourites and watchable but not worth a high score. 2,5 out of 10.

The imdb page is here.

Directors: Various

First Aired: 2015 – 2016

Contains spoilers

For reference my previous season reviews are available for: Season 1, Season 2, Season 3 and Season 4.

Lost Girl hit its final season with this and despite not being the shortest of all – it was 16 episodes for some reason released in the US as season 5 & 6 on DVD – it did feel rushed. It still concentrated on the world of the Fae – a collective noun for all the “mythological” creatures of the world and centred on Bo (Anna Silk) a succubus. When I looked at season 1 I said that, in the case of Bo, she was most definitely an energy vampire. Whilst she often fed (but as the seasons went on, not exclusively) during sex she was actually sucking the chi or lifeforce from her meal (I can’t say victim, many of her feeds are willing and friends/lovers).

Bo in Tartarus

In this season, as it begins, Bo is looking for the second of two Hell Shoes so she can travel to Valhalla and rescue her human friend Kenzi (Ksenia Solo). However – once she achieves this goal – Bo finds herself in Tartarus where she discovers that her long mysterious father is actually Hades (Eric Roberts, Halloween Hell). Having been helped by Persephone (Hannah Emily Anderson), Bo is then tricked by her into lighting a candle, when back on Earth, that manages to summon Zeus (Amanda Walsh) and Hera (Noam Jenkins).

Bo sucking Chi

So, this is very much a Greek mythology orientated season and you may have noticed that the characters of Zeus and Hera have been gender swapped. As exciting as this was the season wasn’t clear enough around the concept. The spirits of the powerful fae (as they are not actually Gods) have possessed human bodies of a given gender (so Zeus possesses the body of a woman). However, dialogue through the season vacillates between Zeus being a woman originally (and the patriarchal Greeks gender swapping her in their stories) or being male originally – Persephone calls her mother and Hades calls her brother, for instance.

Father and daughter

Another issue, which made the system feel a tad slapdash was Hades going by the pseudonym Jack (fair enough) but then Zeus calling him Jack – a name he wouldn’t have used in ancient Greece. And this is the problem I had with the season, it seemed rushed and ill-thought out. I got the impression that they knew it was the last season and their time was limited and so they quickly pulled the story together without necessarily thinking the threads through thoroughly and this led to under-explored elements such as Bo sleeping with a young Fae named Mark (Luke Bilyk, My Babysitter is a Vampire) and it then turning out that he was the long-lost son of Dyson (Kris Holden-Ried, Underworld: Awakening& The Death of Alice Blue) – a son that the cop never knew he had. If Dyson and mark’s relationship was handled in shorthand, the awkwardness and drama of previous lovers being father and son was essentially ignored. Mark’s later bisexual 'relationship' with Vex (Paul Amos) was also only run in shorthand (so much so that I put relationship in apostrophes due to the lack of focus on it and development of it).

the shtriga

There was one additional element that was vampiric in this season. In the episode “Follow the Yellow Trick Road” Bo is found comatose and it is discovered that she has had her blood drunk by the vampiric moth the Shtriga. This puts her in a dream world (and you can tell by the title that this is based on the Wizard of Oz) and she can only be saved by the Shtriga (represented in her dreams by Ksenia Solo) vomiting her blood back onto her mouth. According to Bane the shtriga (in folklore) is from “Albanian lore” which “tells of a female VAMPIRIC WITCH”. In this case the shtriga could be said to be helping by unlocking aspects of the story for Bo.

Eric Roberts as Hades

So, I had issues and it was all based around the fact that it seemed rushed. However, it was great to see the characters again and Eric Roberts was clearly loving the role of Hades, stealing every scene he was in with an easy charm. Not the best season, however worth seeing for fans of the show as it does round the story off and whilst it codas with an opening for further stories one feels that the story at the heart of the series was brought to a conclusion. 5.5 out of 10.

The imdb page is here.

Manhattan Undying – review

Short film: the Adventures of Figaro Pho: Fear of Becoming a Vampire (Transmutasanguivoriphobia)

The Horror Within – review

Commercial Break: Nerdoh

Here Come the Munsters – review

Honourable Mentions: Draugasaga

The City of Mirrors – review

The Monster with a Thousand Faces – review

Mystery in Dracula’s Castle – review

Erotic Vampires of Beverly Hills – review

Honourable Mention: Halloween Hell

Haunted Cop Shop 2 – review

Preacher – Season 1 – review

Short Film: Turned

The Midnight Circle – review

Norway – review

Shadow Tracker: Vampire Hunter – review

Honourable Mention: Poison City (London Tau volume 1)

The Boneyard Collection – review

Lost Girl – Season 5 – review